Most couples break up because of the following reasons: 1) money issues; 2) growing into different directions; 3) adultery. Of course, there are many other problems that couples experience as well. Today I’m going to talk about which mistakes are made by gay men in relationships / marriages and how to avoid these common mistakes.
|Reasons for divorce||money||growing into different directions||adultery||other reasons|
|98 gay marriages||51 couples||37 couples||8 couples||2 couples|
|99 heterosexual marriages||53 couples||35 couples||6 couples||5 couples|
According to the table above, it can be seen that at least 50% of couples break up because of money problems. Clearly, financial issues are the No. 1 reason why couples get divorced because when financial security is absent, survival is threatened & when survival is threatened, nobody cares about love anymore – this is Maslow’s hierarchy of human needs. The second reason for divorce is growing into different directions. Indeed, life is a long journey and when someone gets married at the age of 25, this person can easily become someone else at the age of 35 – this is extremely common (I’ve seen many men in their 30s go through this kind of challenge in life, so I don’t encourage men to get married at a young age). Interestingly, adultery isn’t very common amongst participants in this survey because this survey was conducted in Sydney, Australia (note that cheating and affairs are less common in western countries; adultery is more common in eastern countries such as China). Surely, there are other reasons which caused divorce among these participants (source: a major study conducted by Findle appin January 2020).
On growing apart
Remember: a guy will always grow apart from his partner who no longer inspires, challenges or teaches him. A real man knows that you should never have to make somebody happy to be with you – either they are or they are not. This mindset has been working for hundreds of years and strong men win with this mentality all the time. Truthfully, the individual in a relationship with the most power is the person that tries the least.
When you place your power in your partner’s hands to win his love and affection, you will fail. Note that your reality will teach you the same lessons until you get it right. If you don’t get it right, you’ll repeat the same mistake again and have to learn from the mistake again.
Honestly, there are a large number of mistakes in gay marriages and heterosexual marriages, and fear of not ending up with what you wanted is at the core of these typical mistakes.
Sometimes it’s necessary to give each other some space in a relationship. Instead of hanging out every night, only see each other once a week – in this way, when you do meet up, it should be self-therapy or real therapy if you are trying to solve problems in this relationship. For example, let’s say you must deal with an issue in your relationship: you can go to a café and talk openly about the problem for a solid 2 or 3 hours with your partner.
In that case, there is no chance it will lead to uncontrollable arguing as you are right there in a public setting (a café). This isn’t about saying sorry or laughing out loud; it’s about hearing each other out. I think pulling back to reevaluate the relationship or marriage is a very good strategy. However, you must ask yourself whether any work is being done while giving each other some space. I mean when you and your gay partner give each other some space, you two shouldn’t be off on your own; you should be in each other’s face trying to communicate effectively on a real level. Basically, that means you need to open up about why the same problems keep arising and talk about which rules you can set going forward in this gay marriage or relationship.
If you don’t communicate well during this period of time, you will grow apart or grow into different directions.
On money issues
Most people don’t want to talk about money. As a matter of fact, a lot of people would rather talk about their s*x lives instead of talking about money in western countries! Perhaps that’s exactly why the No. 1 reason for divorce is money – people tend to run into things that they avoid!
Sadly, money ruins more marriages than cheating. When you are married, even if you keep your personal finances separate, money or lack thereof, is most likely to become the problem which leads to the biggest resentment.
At the dating stage, you can hint at the financial aspect; nevertheless, in a real relationship or a gay marriage, you have to ask hard questions about money.
Once you become his gay partner, that’s exactly when you see what’s actually been going on. A guy will not hide that he is unhappy with his job; he will own up to that as work is work; nonetheless, he won’t volunteer that he is in debt, or that he cannot afford to buy you a Christmas gift, or that the annoying calls coming to his telephone are for student loans that he owes. If you know he is hiding something, you need to be more careful.
In this case, you’d better use your brain rather than your heart. You know how much things cost, you know your gay partner’s job, and you can check how much money he makes (if you don’t want to ask him, you can go to Glassdoor.com to find out how much money someone like him makes each year). Now let me ask you this question: Can he afford the lifestyle he is living while you do the match in your head?
Realistically, even if your gay partner makes $100,000 a year, housing, taxes and debt can leave him with less money than someone who works in a department store and lives with his mom, as that salesperson in the department store doesn’t have many bills to pay: no rent as his mom pays it & no student loan as he didn’t even go to university (no bills, all disposable income).
If your partner doesn’t want to talk about this, then you must bring it up as there is no easy way in – you have to ask him hard questions. When you see signs of overspending or unnecessary purchases, ask him when you are in private together. If you plan to marry him, you need to know whether he has any big debts. Of course, you also need to show him yours first if you have any debt.
The key is to make this topic easy to talk about by letting your gay partner know that he won’t be judged. A guy who feels as if he is able to open up and be real rather than being a fake baller will do so, for living with money issues is very, very lonely and stressful. Remember: You don’t give him money; you ask him to confront what’s happening so he can change his habits if it’s necessary.
Quote: “If months go by and you continue to communicate with your partner about finances in an honest and open way, you will see a change.”